Dear Abby: My 24-year-old stepdaughter spends all of my husband’s money

DEAR ABBY: I’m in my early 30s; My husband is 46. We have been married for three years. He has a 24-year-old daughter, “Kiki”. Kiki has always been pampered and taken care of; she learned to lie and manipulate during her childhood.

I have tried to help her because I believed her family when they said she was trying to get it together. Kiki has a DUI and was evicted when her parents asked her to pay her rent instead of paying them. They give her the cars, but she wrecks them and then leaves them on the side of the road.

We have a 3 week old baby and a mortgage. I don’t think his daughter should be in our budget yet, but my husband can’t say no to giving her money. Kiki is a habitual liar and user. She can’t pay for gas because she buys weed and alcohol instead, confident that everyone else will pay when her services are shut off.

I don’t think it’s fair for us to pay it. Is 24 old enough to need this much help? My husband is very protective about it. – USED ​​IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR USER: Considering the history of this troubled young woman, your husband made a huge mistake by encouraging her dependence on him. Independence is something she may have to learn growing up. Your husband should sit down with Kiki and explain that he loves her, but she now needs to find work to support herself and that he will help – for a period of time – while she adjusts to the responsibility. for herself.

If he is still paying her rent, there must be a hard break point. No more cars, because they are a danger on the road. She can use public transport. And if she has any more problems with her substance abuse, all bets are off. The time to draw the line is now.

Dear ABBY: I’m in an online group with neighbors, but haven’t been able to get out and meet some of the younger members in person. One person signed their posts in a language I don’t recognize, and I was wondering if there is a polite way to ask them how to pronounce their name and what language it is. There doesn’t seem to be a way to broach the subject without sounding negative.

Also, when I hear people in my local store speak another language, I’m curious because I’m semi-fluent in three languages ​​and I’m interested in learning more, but again, what’s a polite way to ask? – Surprised in VIRGINIA

DEAR QUESTION: If you have the slightest qualms about asking your neighbors how to pronounce their name and what language it is in, then don’t do it online. Ask another neighbor or wait until you can meet the person face to face.

When you’re out and about and hear a language you don’t know, smile at people, tell them you speak three languages, like the way they sound, and ask what it is because you might like to learn it. If the question is asked in a friendly way, most people will respond in the same way. (I did this in a supermarket recently. The answer was that they came from Indonesia and were speaking Malay.)

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.